I have been thinking about mindfulness for a little while now, I am not really a person who meditates or who has long pauses. Normally I am just trying to get by on the energy I have. I have my long list of things I need to get done and try and fit them in around work, like most people. Let me tell you a little about where I have come from in the past few years. In 2015 I got married to the most amazing woman, and we settled our roots down in York, England. At that time I weighed in around 22st 10lb (318lb or 144kg)
happy and round
I would eat when I was bored, I would eat when I needed a boost or needed comfort, I would eat when I was tired. Basically, my life revolved around food, and it wasn't the good kind of food. It was snacks, chocolate, Biscuits, cake, etc. It wasn't that I didn't like healthy food, I will eat anything, it was just that snack foods were a little more appealing. I tried somewhat to lose some weight, going to the gym, eating some healthier choices, but the snacks were like little sirens calling to me. With some struggling and tiredness, I fought on, losing a stone, until I hit a plateau. I tried and tried and couldn't shift any weight.
We moved out of the city, in an attempt to find a house we could afford, and found a lovely little house in the middle of a quaint conservative English village. This meant moving jobs and getting used to not having a shop around the corner that was always open, it meant getting used to the extreme quiet. (I'll explain extreme quiet later) When going for a wander around the village we came across a notice board that had on it things going on in the village. On this notice board was a sign for the local Slimming World group. I jokingly said to Jayne, "ha, maybe I should join help me shed some more weight." She then replied with perhaps I could. I always thought of Slimming World as a group that mostly had women in it, and never thought I would join something like that. Little did I know I would be joining up with Slimming World. Anyway, up until Christmas, I was doing ok, but those naughty little sirens still called and my weight loss journey was more like traveling on those roads in Norway that look terrifying to drive on as they rise, fall, twist and turn with the Islands they connect. Or as I have already described it, it is like the tree in the picture below.
"treemendously tangled beauty"
I cycle to work five miles each way and started to go to the local leisure centre gym. It gave some structure to my days and gave me a chance to exercise. I was kinda following the Slimming World plan and was getting some results. A year later and I lost 2st, gained a bit more and then lost again. Anyway, my motivation has been dwindling, and I have been really struggling to keep on track, my motivation even to cycle was disrupted by the lovely spring snow we had. Jayne has been a great encourager and has helped me keep on track with some bits she can. On Valentine's day, we decided to go to a body balance class, where I learned how not in touch with how my body moves I was. I struggled to bend and flex as far as they would have liked me to. It made me aware of how, a lot of the time I am not fully present in daily situations, and how I don't listen to my body,(except when my belly brain says feed me). In the class, we do some meditation at the end, which helps us to let the muscles just be. It helps us to settle after stretching our body like someone playing with blu-tack On the journey home, we discussed what mindfulness and meditation were all about, and how it looked for us Christians. This is one of the things my blog will explore.
"sunrise on new beginnings"
Christmas 2017
A few weeks later, I was having a very low week, feeling quite down and feeling very detached from myself. I went to see a counselor who told me that I was not being very selfful. I told her I thought that it was more to do with not wanting to be selfish, but she said it was a good thing to be selfful.Selfful is being aware of yourself so that you can be you. So often I forget about how I am or who I am and focus on others,(which isn't a bad thing) but in neglecting myself I had lost a bit of who I was/am. So I am going to do some exploring of selffulness.
Anyway, in four days time, it will be my 32nd birthday and I want to finally, if not a bit late in the game, rediscover who I am, and how I am, and where I feel I am while reconnecting fully with my walk with God, and gaining some self-control. I want to learn how to get the most out of mindfulness and take you all on a journey as I go. Blab over.
